Mothering as a Career

So last week I talked about how soon my daily parenting duties will be ending as my older daughter is now off at college and my younger is in high school. I've been a Stay-at-Home-Mother (and fledgling writer) for fifteen years now, the longest I've been in any job.

And yes, I consider mothering my career.  A lot of people look down on Stay-at-Home Mothers.  It's nearly impossible to find a job after any period of time as a Stay-at-Home Mother.  Employers assume you have no usable skills.  They assume you've spent the last three, five, ten, however many years you've been home wiping noses and making peanut butter sandwiches, and yes, you've done those things, but you've done so much more.

You're run a household.  You've managed a budget and paid bills. You've managed the schedule of two adults and one or more children. You've dealt with teachers and school administrators and advocated for your children -- time and again. Maybe, like me, you've sat on dozens, if not hundreds, of PTO committees, planning programs, interacting with staff, coordinating events.  Maybe you developed academic goals for the entire school or managed committee budgets or written and edited a newsletter -- all for free, as a side thing, because you wanted to, because you wanted your kids to see you involved in their lives, because modeling volunteerism, because making a home-school connection, was vital.

You've helped your kids through everything -- from their first steps to the first day of school to first friendships that have ended badly to adjusting to new schools and new friends and new classes. You've edited their essays and proofread their college applications. You've advised them on sex and drugs and drinking, and all this has happened at any hour of any day, including at two a.m. and on Thanksgiving.  Parenting is, literally, a twenty four hour a day job, and it's made you one of the most patient people in the world.

There is nothing -- no book I've written, no other relationship I've had, no other job I've ever held, that has been more important or worthwhile or fulfilling than my job as a mother.  I'm raising the people who will take care of you in your old age.  I'm raising the people who will shape whether you will still have social security when you retire, who will develop new technology so you can be more efficient in your chosen career, who will stand up and protest if their political leaders try to take your freedoms away, who will respect you because you've lived longer than them.  Yet this society doesn't look at my job as particularly valuable or important.  Society wonders why I haven't "gone back to work" -- why I am not earning money.

I'm doing this job because I love it, and because, and I'm so aware of this, I am very fortunate.  My husband works extremely hard at his job so I can do this one. I think about this a lot.  I believe I've been a better, more effective mother because I've been with my children full time.  I believe that I am the lucky one. And you, readers, have benefited, too.  I'm sending two caring, smart, hard working people out into the world to make it better.  Better for you.