An Interview with Teenagers -- on what it's like to be a teenager

I feel like I remember what it's like to be a teenager. I remember, sometime around seventeen or eighteen, realizing that I hadn't cried in a couple of days -- after crying every night since I'd turned twelve.  I remember all of the conflicting emotions and complicated drama -- the friends, the bullies, the boyfriend, the misery of the daily grind of school...but my own teenage daughters, 19 and almost 16, tell me I really don't know, because things today are so different.  So, I interviewed them to find out what it's like for them, in real time, to be teenagers.  Check out what they had to say:

How old are you?

19

What is the toughest thing about being a teenager?

Feeling like you are ready to act as adult but not be allowed to yet and also not feeling ready to act as an adult, but being pushed to do so anyways. 

What is the best thing about being a teenager?

There is always something new to try, new milestones you are reaching, and each year your thinking is so different from the last.

What do you wish adults understood about being a teenager?

That they really can think and achieve amazing things if given the opportunity. Even if they seem like children to you, they feel more like adults and should be treated that way. Also, the pressures of being a teenager now are extremely different then when adults were that age, with insane college competition, recession, and technology, the world has changed and adults need to realize that they don't fully understand what its like to be a teenager anymore. 

Where do you see yourself in five years?

Hopefully teaching elementary school, renting an apartment, and starting to get a feel for my life.  

Do you think being a kid or an adult is better?

I really see the positives and negatives to both, I think adults often fantasize about being kids, and kids fantasize about being adults but it really it comes down to the grass being greener on the other side.  

What is some advice you'd give other teenagers of your age?

Don't worry too much about the future, it will happen when it happens (but also don't completely forget it will sneak up on you quickly!) 

Anything else you want to add, feel free!!

I think tweens are really the new teenagers-- they feel very mature, but to adults they seem very young. Adults expect teenagers to be acting with a certain angsty attitude, but it's really the tweens that are acting this way. Parents expect this from their 14-16 year old, but they don't expect it from their 9-12 year old. There really needs to be a shift in thinking to understand both these age groups. 

How old are you?

15

What is the toughest thing about being a teenager?

Pressure in all its forms (peer, parental, media, yourself, the future, the present, the past, teachers). 

What is the best thing about being a teenager?

Always getting second chances (if you make a mistake at school you will just receive a bad grade or a detention, but at work, you will probably be fired); monetary freedom (not having to pay for housing and food for the most part); being able to eat whatever you want and not get fat; finding yourself (discovering what you like/don't like, what you're good at, etc).

What do you wish adults understood about being a teenager?

Life as a teenager is different now than it was 30 years ago therefore you do not and cannot understand what we go through (it is the same for us with you) therefore pressuring us will only make us want to rebel more; our mind works very differently than yours; it is very obvious who you "favorite" (whether a parent, teacher, director, coach, etc.); understand that we make more mistakes than you do, but nagging about them will not make us "apologize," it will make us bitter and annoyed.

Where do you see yourself in five years?

A junior in college (I don't know where yet; hopefully Colorado College) in the third year of a pre-law program and the school's orchestra. Maybe in a sorority.

Do you think being a kid or a teenager is better?

It is too black-and-white. It depends on the person's experience with both. Since I have not lived as an adult yet, it is impossible to answer the question.

What is some advice you would give teenagers of your age?

Try harder. You don't have the right to complain about your weight or your grades or not making a team if you're not willing to put in the effort to change it. "Trying hard" does not imply saying you're going to diet, and giving in after the first day, and saying "well, I tried." Saying you "don't know why you failed a test" when you've only studied for less than a 20 minutes is not trying. Don't blame your parents for these things either, because it is almost always your fault. Your life is not as hard as you think it is. Just because you have a learning issue, are athletically challenge, or have parents that constantly bug you does not mean your life is a tragedy.

Anything else you want to add, feel free!

Get out of your own head. When something bad happens, think of all the good things that will come from it. If you got a bad grade, be glad it's not as bad as it could be or that you still have the whole year to bring it up. If your boyfriend breaks up with you, think of how much better another guy could be for you.

Know that life sucks, but your life is a hell of a lot better than a lot of other people's. Complaining about your parents nagging you or your head hurting are not going to make the problems go away. Take action.

Anyone want to chime in on best/worst things about being a teenager or the parent of a teenager? I'd love to hear thoughts.

A Big Step for Indie Publishing

Yesterday, indie publishing leapt forward.  A New York Times best selling author of women's fiction, Allison Winn Scotch, published her fifth book independently, meaning, without the help of a publishing company.  She had previously been published by some big names -- like HarperCollins and Penguin. Her books sold, and they sold well.

After her last experience with traditional publishing, Allison reported, she started feeling burnt out. For a long time, she didn't write a thing, even stopped posting on her very popular blog, Ask Allison, where hopeful writers (like me) could ask questions aboutt he publishing biz, and get excellent answers from Allison herself.

Then she decided to write again, and in a few months, she had a book she was excited about.  That book is her new one, The Theory of Opposites, which came out yesterday.  She decided to publish it herself, she said, because she wanted to publish, publicize, and market a book on her own terms. And so she has. Last week, she announced that her book has been picked up by Jennifer Garner's production company for film.  Independent publishing has come a long way, baby.

Not that many years ago, self publishing (also known as indie publishing) was considered something you did in desperation, something you did when no one wanted you, something that most people assumed meant you had written a bad book.

But as the publishing landscape has changed, so have the options to publish. And aren't options wonderful?  What I find is that readers don't care where or how the book is published. They only care that the story is good.  But for authors, like me, in the past, how you've published has meant everything. It meant your credibility. For example, many reviewers and bloggers refuse to read self published books. Yesterday on Twitter I asked book reviewers whether they would agree to review Allison's book, knowing it is self published, because of their refusal in the past to read self published books. Not one answered me. Now they might not have seen my tweet, but they might also be beginning to see the quandary -- is every book that is self published bad? No, of course not. Is every book published by a traditional publishing company good? No, of course not.

What Allison (and other previously traditionally published authors) has done is say, I control my publishing destiny.  That's where I am, too.  In fact, one reason why I chose this way is because Allison is brave enough to do it.  Thanks, Allison, for giving me courage.

An Inside Look at the Publishing Process...and Details about My New Book, Coming Up in 2014!

The publishing industry is struggling; anyone involved in the process -- author, literary agent, editor, publisher -- knows this is true.  Over the last few years, the publishing industry has experienced more upheaval than usual, what with the advent of Kindles and Nooks and the explosion of publishing without a publishing company, otherwise known as Indie Publishing.

Back in ther summer, I released my agent from our contract.  I was looking towards my author-ly future, and I didn't think we were on the same page.  She wanted one thing for me; I wanted another. And I was tired of playing the publishing game, namely, that so many other people were in control of what I would write, how I would write it, and how it would get publicized and sold.

I've been contemplating my career ever since then. I have a new book, ready to go, that most of my beta readers loved, that my editor loved.  Why not publish it myself? I know a lot more than I did a year ago, before my first book came out, and I feel confident that I can do at least as good a job on the publishing part as other professionals.  I talked to a few other authors, authors who have been publishing with traditional houses for years, (No, I'm not going to name names!) and frankly, many of them are tired of the publishing game, too. Some of them are moving towards indie publishing, for many of the reasons above, but also, because, they could make more money.  Traditional publishing generally yields about one dollar to the author for every book sold;  with indie publishing, the author gets about 70 per cent of each book sold.  And you get total control -- of what your book cover will look like, of when the book will be published (You don't get the control with traditional publishing, unless, you're, say, James Patterson :).  Of course, indie publishing has its downsides too, for example, that a lot of people don't take it seriously. You can't imagine the number of reviewers who refuse to read an indie published book. (I have a feeling that this is going to start changing soon, as more and more big name authors switch over to, or at least add, indie publishing to their repertoire.)

So all that said, my new book, The Opposite of Normal, will be available, in both print and ebook form, come 2014.  As soon as I have more details, I'll let you know. For now, I'll give you just a taste of the plot -- Hannah, the twelve year old Chinese adoptee of a rabbi and his wife, struggles with loneliness when her father moves his family to a new town after the untimely death of her mother.  In an effort to fit in, Hannah tries to shed her Judaism -- after all, she concludes, she wasn't born Jewish anyway -- and adopt the primary religion of her friends, Christianity, without her father knowing. And Hannah's brother, a bright seventeen year old high school senior planning on attending an Ivy League college the following fall, finds himself  about to lose everything when his Christian girlfriend refuses to have an abortion. Their father, Rabbi Mark Friedlander, struggles to hold together his family and his job as the Rabbi of the local Temple, just as he might find love again.

More posts to follow about this exciting new path in my publishing journey! Thanks for coming along with me!