Confrontation and How Bad at It I Am

I suck at confrontation.  I know most people don't like confrontation, but some people are better at it than others.  Some people are naturally good at sharing a reasonable account of why they are confronting the other person, and are able to hold their ground and find a good resolution. Those people are not me.

Last week I had to confront someone about a work issue. It had come up before, and it would affect my writing career pretty significantly.  I had avoided this particular confrontation for a long time, months, really, and could no longer.  I had tried, several times, to have a verbal confrontation with this person, but she had skirted me or changed the subject each time.

But that could be no longer.  I thought about what I had to say, why I wanted to say it, and how it could play out.  In a little bit of a chicken move, but more so I could actually get the words out the way I wanted and not be led astray, I emailed this person how I felt.  She responded positively. I was happy with the outcome.

See, writing the confrontation isn't that  hard for me. I can write the confrontation and know the words are getting said the way I intend, and that hopefully, the message is getting across.  Now, before you call me a wimp, know that I have actually fired employees in the past, to their faces. In small, cramped offices.  So though I have dealt with confrontation. I just didn't quite want to face confrontation that way this time around.

My other problem, besides making sure the words are right and not being caught off guard by counter arguments, is that I don't want to hurt the other person's feelings. It doesn't matter that the person has wronged me, that I need to let him or her know he or she has.  I just don't want to upset that other person.  And I am always cognizant that there are two sides to every story.  It's amazing when you go to talk to someone about something how he or she can have a completely different viewpoint, and sometimes, it can be just as valid as yours. ;)

There were a few other times last week that the issue of confrontation came up.  I had a choice to make in each of these.  Should I say something to a friend I thought was out of bounds? Should I tell someone something that might be very painful to hear but would allow me to get something that was bothering me off my chest? In the end, I did neither of these. I simply held it all in, believing the confrontation wasn't worth the cost.

I would love to hear your confrontation stories. Are you good at confronting others? Bad at it? Does it usually work out the way you want? Is there something right now you want to confront someone over but you're avoiding it? Talk about it.