On Jealousy

My 15 year old daughter and I were discussing jealousy recently.  Her friend was there, too, and she said she didn't like talking about jealousy.  I told the girls that jealousy is a normal human emotion and that everyone experiences it at some point in life.  I then told them what I was jealous of: writers whose careers are going better than mine right now.

I thought this was an interesting topic so I brought it up with some friends.  Several remarked (or agreed with the remark) that jealousy is a wasted emotion and they chose not to say anything further.  I thought that was fascinating. First of all, I'm not sure that jealousy is a wasted emotion. Jealousy can motivate you to make better choices, or work harder, or force you to confront issues in your life that you weren't so sure you wanted to confront before.

A few friends commented on being jealous of other women's better bodies.  I thought that was interesting too, because the kind of jealousy I'm talking about isn't the "Oh, she weighs ten pounds less than I do," thought that runs through nearly every woman's mind at some point or another. One friend commented that she had occasional "envy" and it was fleeting and short lived.  (I noted that she used the word envy rather than the word jealousy.)

The topic was dropped quickly; I was disappointed. It seemed that in this tight circle of friends, no one really wanted to talk about jealousy -- the deep seated kind -- or what they were really jealous of.

I think to many people, jealousy is a taboo subject, much like what we weigh and how much we earn for a living.  I wonder, why?  Why don't we talk about this thing, this big green eyed monster that sits in our brains and can sometimes eat us up, sometimes spur us on?  I know my jealousy over other writers has spurred me on -- to try to figure out how to be as successful as they are, to see what they did -- could I do that, too? -- and strangely, to give me hope that someday I could be that successful as well, because if it happened for them, it could happen to me.

So what are you jealous of?  And what do you hope for? Are the two emotions, jealousy and hope, interwoven, or are they completely separate?  Is jealousy just a wasted emotion and is it possible never to be truly jealous of anyone else? I would love to hear from you.  Let me know what you think. judymwalters@gmail.com